Tuesday, March 9, 2010

chanting "Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

No I don't live in a fantasy land of gum drops and chocolate flowing rivers, where my husband is a prince and I his princess. I live a very real life. I wish that I could say that Dan and I only "disagree" and that we never fight but I'd be a liar!! That man can make me go from happy to infuriated in about 3.2 seconds!! I know it's probably not protocol to talk bad about your husband but that man made me mad yesterday and now I can't sleep. He left yesterday for work. He's working in a town about 2 hours away. Before he left, I spent my morning with him and ran errands with him and went to lunch with him all because I knew that it would make him happy. I would've loved to enjoy a half day to myself getting caught up on one of my many list of things that I have to get done in order to more fully run my home. And yesterday when he called at 5:15pm to tell me that he forgot a CD on top of his dresser and to drop it in the mail so he could fix his friends computer-cause he never puts anything away- I happily ran back inside and said yes I would do it after I dropped our daughter off at ballet class. I ran back across town to an alternative site that takes postal mail after regular hours -it's in an Ace hardware. Random. I know...it's Wyoming. I had to buy4 bubble envelopes, even though I only needed one, but that's how they're packaged. There really wasn't any other choice. And that man had the nerve to yell at me over the phone and refused to give me the address and then on top of that, wanted me to go to another store to purchase different envelopes. I had my two boys with me and needed to get my daughter in 20 minutes by this time. I was so mad that I whispered to him, "Give me the damn address". Harsh, yes. Inappropriate, yes. Mean, yes. But you know what...I could have said a LOT worse and in a loud voice. And then he has to nerve to try to call me all night and be nice.
Needless to say I hung up on him every time. What a jerk. Who does he think he is? I have enough on my plate and I know Dr. Laura would be all over me and tell me what a terrible wife I am and I'm sure you're thinking I am, too. But I already know that. I do. But this is my blog and my life and I need to vent. I wish I was like all these ladies on here with helpful kids and a loving husband but that isn't my everyday. I'm on my own most of the time and I'm okay with that. I don't mind when people throw a wrench in my chain. I love to help others. Just don't make demands and then have the nerve to be ungrateful when I do it at my own pace. And then wonder why I'm not wearing a smile on my face while doing it.
Moving our family to Rock Springs was his idea. That's where his business is and we were spending a fortune in fuel every month for him to come home every weekend. I wanted to stay in Riverton where we've lived for 8 years. That's home to me. But I moved with a smile on my face and tears running down my cheeks because I wanted our family to be together. My kids need their dad. I would hope that he'd be a little more sympathetic to me. It just seems these last few months have been torture. It's hard not to think that the stress of moving "jarred" Tyler's Type 1 Diabetes. That's when the behaviors started. I can't say it's Dan's fault 'cause it's not. I just want a husband that is nice to me more than upset with me.


Meri said...

Mandy (((HUGS)))

I don't think any of us live in the fantasy world. Husbands just intuitively know how to push our buttons. My hubby likes to sleep on it when we have fights...you know, go to bed mad. And then he leaves for work in the wee hours of the morning, and calls me while I'm getting the kids ready for school...and he's over it. Sweet as pie. But in my eyes, if it isn't talked about...if my feelings on the subject aren't heard...it is not over.

So I feel your pain. Marriage like everything else goes in ebbs and flows. My hubby and I recognize now when we are in a point in time where we just annoy eachother...we have been together long enough that we can laugh about it when it does happen.

I hope you feel better about things today! Moving to a new place, and being alone a lot of the time has got to be so stressful!! When I'm stressed, I tell my hubby that if it is his fault or not, he has a target on his back. I need to take it out on someone...I always tell him better him than the kids. :)

Jennifer said...

Hugs to you Mandy. I can offer nothing about husbands and marriage because I don't have one and have never been married. I just wanted to let you know that I was here for you!

Wendy said...

Oh, my friend. Marriage is really tough stuff...I know. Trust me, I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!

I would be pretty upset too. It's about so much more than a stinkin' envelope. It's about all the change. Not to mention DIA-freakin'-BETES. It's about appreciating your effort and affirming your role as his wonderful wife.

I hope you've been able to talk to him. I hope he's been receptive to listening. We call this the crazy cycle in our house. Sometimes you get on and it's hard to get off!

Amanda said...

Bless your heart! My husband is gone for work a lot too (like two months or more at a time). It is hard!

Last night I was complaining to him that with him gone I never have a second that I can relax and not worry because I am THE ONLY ONE who knows how to take care of Emma. He told me, "Well. You just need to think of a way to be positive about it." When I didn't reply (Thumper said it best - if you can't say anything nice...) he asked, "Did it make you mad that I said that?"

Good luck! Meri is right - moving and being alone and being a single mom much of the time and being a freaking pancreas...it's rough stuff. Somebody asked me how I do it and then asked if I just take it a day at a time. I told them it's more like a minute at a time!